Karaoke & Jesus

There was this one time when I went to a bar for kraoke and Jesus spoke to me...

My Background....

I first realized the music I was listening to was distracting me from Christ while I was reading a book called Discovering Catholicism by Matthew Kelley. I remember reading a passage that said, and Im paraphrasing here, if you want to see what a person worships look at what they have on the walls of their house, what movies they own, and the music they listen to. So I took an inventory of these things and very little of what I owned had anything to do with Christ. Here I was presenting myself as his disciple yet where was he? Anyone observing me probably would not have been able to tell I was a Christian, besides the fact that I went to mass on Sundays.

Now partly because of the type of personality I have and because I had a hard time figuring out what music really wasn't bad,  I went all out and quit all the music I had in my library. I threw away the CD's and deleted the songs I knew for sure were  not right but there was some music I really wasn't sure about. Some of it seemed alright but was associated with past actions that I didn't want to re-live and I was really having a hard time deciding just which music was really ok to listen to. So it all went.

To give you some background on my musical taste...My favorite artist was Eminem and the first two concerts I ever went to were D12 and Wu-tang. (I owned a shirt that said on the front Christina sucks and the back said Brittney swallows. And yes I wore it, in public)  I liked Eminem so much that for one of my b-days a friend gave me a book all about him...however I have to confess I never read it because I pretty much knew everything I wanted to know about him already. So besides Eminem I listened mainly to rap, but I liked a lot of alternative music and mainstream pop stuff.

Now I will say this, music has always played an integral role in my life. Every part of my life has a soundtrack. The good, bad , sad, happy, angy, etc... times. Music has always been there to help me express my feelings or help me come out of some of them. Giving up my music was a major move for me. And I knew I couldn't do it without a replacement.  So I started searching...

Because I was really wanting to dive into my Catholic faith I focused on searching for Catholic artists. I discovered some AMAZING catholic music artists!! I was so excited and I pretty much listened to this artists exclusively.  I really didn't listen to other Christian artists either. (In later posts I will start to write  about these artists but for now I have a different story to tell)


Karaoke!!!

Afterabout a  year  some friends got me to go out for karaoke... I had only sang karaoke one other time. But I figured it would be fun so I went. And guess who was there...Jesus. I opened up  with an Ace of Base song..I think it was I Saw the Sign. It had been a long time since I listened to music they would have for karaoke but I some how recalled this song from my 8th grade year with ease. After I finished this song a guy came up to me and asked if I would sing a song with him....Bring me to Life by Evanecense.

I told him ok but then had to look up the somg on you tube because I couldnt remember it. I listened to if a few times and then it was our turn...The song went well but what was remarkable was that this song portrayed exactly how I felt about Christ...If you don't know what the words to this song are look them up. Now Evanescence has specifically said that they are not a "Christian" band.  But listen or just read the lyrics... No human could ever live up to what is written in this song!


The Lyrics...


The song opens with "How can you see into my eyes, like open doors, Leading you down into my core ,Where I've become so numb". That was exactlly how I felt when I first started to get to know Christ... I remember the numbness I felt and the feeling of emptiness but then I started to get to know Christ and well... it was like he could see right through me. I had high walls in my life and even today I'm still working on bringing them down but Christ was able to walk right through into my heart.

Part of the Chorus says, " Call my name and save me from the dark, wake me up, Bid my blood to run, I can't wake up, Before I come undone, save me, Save me from the nothing I've become." Like I said before there was an emptiness and I did feel a nothingness and darkness...and still today I struggle to remember that I am someone and a someone deserving of a real Love. A Love that is not only unconditional but eternal. But not only do I deserve the Love of God but I deserve to be treated with dignity by people around me. Like I said this is a struggle and everyday when I wake up I have to remind myself of this...because when I don't remind myself I usually have a crappy day and allow things that really arent all that important to come between me and my Lord and the work he has set before me.

"Now that I know what I'm without, You can't just leave me".  I remember the fear that I would turn back to the life that I had left. The struggle was real. One of the biggest issues I faced at that time was impurity.  In a previous post I shared that I have lived a chaste life for the last 5 years...There have been huge temptations along the way that I have had to do battle with. There were times when I left my daughter with my parents over night (this doesn't happen often) and low and behold a guy from my past would just happen to be in town looking for some fun. It was not easy to say no...I had to remind myself over and over of the kind of love I deserved and what that guy was offering me was the complete opposite.  But the fear was there and now its more of  a minor apprehension that I might slip back into that life. I pray often to Christ to keep me from that to not let me slip away again because I am concerned that if I do I might not find may way back to him again.

"Only you are the life among the dead" This is so Jesus...in Luke 24 the women go looking for Jesus in the tomb, but he is not there. Angels appear to the women and ask them " Why do you look for the
living among the dead,he is not here; he has risen".

"All this time, I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark, but you were there in front of me

I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
I've got to open my eyes to everything

...
There must be something wrong, bring me to life"

When away from my faith I always felt like something was wrong. I remember crying one time to my roommate telling her "i don't know why I feel so awful. I have a grate life". The tears were real and almost uncontrollable. I felt such deep sadness...emptiness...darkness. As I look back to my time of darkness I can see that Chist had never left me and was there giving me signs all along. 

When I first went to college the university I attened did not have enough room in its own dorms for all students. So students stayed in hotels and on other colleges compuses. I ended up staying in a dorm on a Catholic College with my window overlooking a church. Of all the places I could end up I was there. Then my first friend I made was Catholic and I didn't know it when I first met her. When I would go to Mass I would say a rosary before and one day a priest came up to me and asked if I had a devotion to Mary...I must've given him a scary look when I said no (only becuase I had no idea what a devotion was) that he apologized very quickly and walked away.  These are all moments that I look back at now and can see that God was calling me the whole time to go back to him but I was so blind that I couldn't even recognize his voice.  (I know I used blindness to say I couldn't hear something...but that was just how lost I was!!)

This song had become very special in my life..I've only sang Karaoke one other time since then ( a couple of weeks ago actually) and this song was on the list again.  The guy that asked me to sing that  song with him...I still dont know who he is and have no idea if I've ever seen him again. But I do know that the Lord can use everything for his good and his purposes. I see that song as a gift and one of the many signs he has given me of his love. I also saw it as a sign that I was in a place in my life that would be able  decide what music I could listen to that wasn't just Catholic or Christian.

Now Adays I still mainly listen to Christan music. You will find very little secular (nonchristian) music in my library. You will find Nelly, Brittaney Spears, Common and even some Incubus in there.  However, I will admit I still do not always make the wisest of decisions with what I put in my ears...But I am constantly evaluating whether my song collection is as it should be.